A little something from my email

To keep you occupied whilst I work...and work...and work....love the 3 nights straight.....

PS, For some reason Diana at Sonshine on my Shoulders came to mind as I read this....bet SHE has some stories to tell too!!!



The following is from a lady in Oregon. It is priceless!
The Bible explained by kids - truth has been redefined!

One of our favorite jobs has been leading junior church. We
try to do more than Baby-sit our church's beloved little
ankle-biters during their time in our special junior church
facility. We aim to give them a solid background in
biblical history. At the end of each year, we give them
pencils and paper and ask them to chronicle what they have
learned.

This assignment never fails to elicit some intriguing
responses. In case you're a little foggy on your biblical
history, let our junior church students help you with his
complete overview of the Bible, compiled from their essays:


In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was
nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible says,
'The Lord thy God is one,' but I think He must be a lot
older than that. Anyway, God said, 'Give me alight!' and
someone did. Then God made the world. He split the Adam
and made Eve.



Adam and Eve were naked, but they weren't embarrassed
because mirrors hadn't been invented yet. Adam and Eve
disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were driven
from the Garden of Eden. Not sure what they were driven in
though, because they didn't have cars.

Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long
as he was Abel.

Pretty soon all of the early people died off, except for
Methuselah, who lived to be like a million or something.
One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good
guy, but one of his kids was kind of a ham. Noah built a
large boat and put his family and some animals on it. He
asked some other people to join him, but they said they
would have to take a rain check.


After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Jacob was more
famous than his brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his
birthmark in exchange for some pot roast. Jacob had a son
named Joseph who wore a really loud sports coat.

Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was
Charlton Heston. Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egypt
and away from the evil Pharaoh after God sent ten plagues on
Pharaoh's people. These plagues included frogs, mice, lice,
bowels, and no cable. God fed the Israel Lights every day
with manicotti.



Then He gave them His top ten commandments. These include
don't lie, cheat, smoke, dance, or covet your neighbor's
bottom (the Bible uses a bad word for bottom that I'm not
supposed to say. But my Dad uses it sometimes when he talks
about the President). Oh, yeah, I just thought of one more:
Humor thy father and thy mother.

One of Moses' best helpers was Joshua, who was the first
Bible guy to use spies. Joshua fought the battle of Geritol
and the fence fell over on the town.



After Joshua came David. He got to be king by killing a
giant with a slingshot. He had a son named Solomon who had
about 300 wives and 500 porcupines. My teacher says he was
wise, but that doesn't sound very wise to me.



After Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets.
One of these was Jonah, who was swallowed by a big whale and
then barfed up on the shore. There were also some minor
league prophets, but I guess we don't have to worry about
them.

After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is
the star of the New Testament. He was born in Bethlehem in
a barn. (I wish I had been born in a barn, too, because my
Mom is always saying to me, 'Close the door! Were you born
in a barn?' It would be nice to say, 'As a matter of fact, I
was.')

During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like
the Pharisee sand the Republicans. Jesus also had twelve
opossums. The worst one was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so
evil that they named a terrible vegetable after him.

Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards and even
preached to some Germans on the Mount. But the Republicans
and all those guys put Jesus on trial before Pontius the
Pilot. Pilot didn't stick up for Jesus. He just washed his
hands instead.



Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to life
again. He went up to Heaven, but will be back at the end of
the Aluminum. His return is foretold in the book of
Revolution.

There! Now you understand!