Just in case this is your first time by here on a Thesaurus Thursday, the "rules" of Thesaurus Thursday are as follows:
First and foremost, leave as many funny definitions for either word (or both) as you can think up in the comments!! The ones that make me laugh the hardest will be given the Silly Goose Award.
Next, if you know (or think you know) the true definitions without looking them up then be sure and leave those in the comments too!! All definitions that are correct (or close enough for government work and Mighty Mom) will win the Smarty Pants Award!