My Husband "Subvet" says that when our first son "Sonshine" was born the sun rose on our world, when our second son "Gator" was born the sun laughed and when our daughter "Sugars" was born all the flowers bloomed. That says it all.

"Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass...
It's about learning how to dance in the rain."

Your mind is the garden, your
thoughts are the seeds, the harvest can either be flowers or weeds. — William

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

No Shit!

OK, Well, in my quest to keep you folks entertained while I sit with the boy on the throne I have asked Subvet to give me another of his Sea Stories. Which he did (of course).

Things are going well in the potty department and I will be bringing back my usual commentary on life with Thesaurus Thursday tomorrow. So come on back tomorrow or Friday to exercise your brain and funny bone simultaneously.

Make a note of what I said in the last post about how one sea story will lead to another...and another...and another.... Well, here's proof positive. Go and visit this fine gentleman as he's joined in the poop parade. I must say, I do think Sonarman takes the cake!

In the mean time, Here's Subvet's. I didn't need to edit this one at all.....

Another sea story (I'm on a roll now!)
In my previous post I inadvertently used some terms most people might not be familiar with. One poster (Ignorant Redneck) brought my attention to this. Sorry about that folks, when you speak a different language than most for years the chance of slipping back into it is always there.

In order to minimize any confusion over terms I'll begin with a brief glossary for this next tale of submariner derring-do. Here it is:

XO-Executive Officer. The second most senior man aboard a naval craft. He's the man who enforces all policies of the Commanding Officer (CO).

A-ganger-Member of the auxiliary division aboard naval vessels. They're mechanics who are responsible for the operation and maintenance of all non-propulsion machinery. Aboard submarines this is a real grab bag of items, all the hydraulic systems, pneumatic systems, potable water, atmosphere control equipment and plumbing/sanitary systems, and whatever else can be foisted off on them. A-gangers (along with Torpedomen) are also the most rude, crude, socially unacceptable reprobates of the crew. They don't get invited to too many formal dinner parties. John Belushi's character in "Animal House" would have been a great A-ganger if he'd just loosened up a bit.

Chief-A shortened way of saying Chief Petty Officer. These are the backbone of the Navy's enlisted ranks. They run the day to day operation of the various work centers. The top three enlisted paygrades in the Navy are Chief, Senior Chief, Master Chief. They train the crew and junior officers, enforce discipline, give personal guidance, counsel those with problems, bend steel in their bare hands and jump over tall buildings in a single bound.

Amine-A shortened version of monoethanolamine which is a chelating agent used in the CO2 removal systems (aka "scrubbers") to absorb CO2 from the atmosphere and emit it when heated in a boiler to be compressed and put overboard. Chemically it's a base that will eat rubber in a heartbeat. It also leaves a beautiful stain in leather upholstery and on custom paint jobs. Amine is loaded aboard submarines via an air driven pump placed in a 55 gallon drum of the stuff. These drums are NEVER to be directly pressurized with air.

EDOM-Engineering Department Operating Manual. A general guideline for all Engineering Department evolutions conducted aboard a submarine.

Sea Story-A personal recollection of things past. Said by many to resemble a fairy tale, the greatest difference being that a fairy tale begins with, "Once upon a time....." while a sea story begins with, "This is no shit....".

La Madd-La Maddalegna, Sardinia. The former location of a submarine repair facility in the Mediterranean.

Here's another sea story. It's a "no-shitter".

God must love the stupid, He's made so many of them.

Whilst aboard the USS OMAHA I met one of the dumbest A-gangers that could walk. "Bruce" was the sort that always knew he was right, no matter what the facts. In the course of his short time aboard he managed to make one man in particular his nemesis; the XO (if you're gonna go, go big).

One fine day the chief put "Bruce" in charge of loading amine. As anyone with more than two days assigned to A-gang knows you NEVER, NEVER directly pressurize a drum of amine with air. Not one to let common sense, the teachings of every auxiliaryman in the fleet and the boat's EDOM stand in his way; our hero ran a 100 psi air line topside through the weapons shipping hatch and proceeded to glory.

After cutting in the air he sprang an amine leak downstream of the drum. "Bruce" was anything but coolheaded under fire so he immediately shut the discharge line while still pressurizing the drum. Reliable sources claimed before it exploded the amine canister resembled a dark green balloon.

As Murphy's Law would have it, the XO's pride and joy; his cherry red MG convertible, was parked on the pier directly parallel to the shipping hatch. With the top down. After all was said and done the genuine leather upholstery had more stains than Granny Clampett's teeth. The paint job was no cause for joy either.

Years later I met the XO when he became the Commodore of the Squadron in La Madd while I was stationed there. It was on the tip of my tongue to ask how "Bruce" was doing, however I kept quiet. I don't mind being called crazy but I draw the line at "stupid".


Cookie..... said...

Man...look what I started... ;-)

Shitty stories are up all over...

Gotta write a "shitty" sea story more often....

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the comments, MM.

Mohawk Chieftain said...

Really good stories from you Swabbies. Be sure to drop by the Campfire on Friday, for one from this old Jarhead; I think it'll fit in here quite nicely....
Happy Thanksgiving!