My Husband "Subvet" says that when our first son "Sonshine" was born the sun rose on our world, when our second son "Gator" was born the sun laughed and when our daughter "Sugars" was born all the flowers bloomed. That says it all.

"Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass...
It's about learning how to dance in the rain."
Anonymous

Your mind is the garden, your
thoughts are the seeds, the harvest can either be flowers or weeds. — William
Wordsworth

Friday, July 18, 2008

Even More Email Goodies

OK, I may be weird for sure....but I laughed my behind off at these!!



It is said that the ability to make and understand PUNS is the highest level of language development. Here are the top 10 winners in the International Pun Contest.




1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The Stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.




2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, 'Dam!'




3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly, it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.




4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says, 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'




5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.




6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. But why they asked, as they moved off. 'Because,' he said, 'I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.'




7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named Ahmal. The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him Juan. Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, 'They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal.'




8. A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to 'persuade' them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.




9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him (Oh, man, this is SO BAD, it's good) a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.




10. And, finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

5 comments:

Humble wife said...

What to do on a friday night? If you are lucky...you read a hilarious email about cable guy jokes and this from the same person!!! Friday made the weekend...is Monday tomorrow???
Jennifer

Stephanie D. said...

Oh, I was groaning aloud on some of those!

Subvet said...

OUCH!!

Kinda bored, aren't we?

Diane@Diane's Place said...

Hee hee! I saw a few of these comin'!

Penless Thoughts said...

These were great!!!!

About the stamps.....they have hwat is called a "forever stamp". You buy it at the then current stamp price, but as the price goes up it is still good you do not have to add the 1 or 2 cent stamps as you would otherwise. I bought several rolls at the 41 cent price just before they raised the price to the current 43 cents. It wouldn't pay to do this now, since they've just had the price increase and it usually stays for a year or so. BUT, next time they are saying they are going to increase the stamp price you might remember this and buy some of the "forever stamps". I hadn't heard of them until just before they raised them this time myself.

I've been very busy and not around much myself this summer.

Love the picture of your 3 kids at the top. Adorable!!
Susan